Okay so Week 4 was not my favorite week of the study for some reason. Maybe because it caused me to really look deep and hard at myself. I did not realize that until I just now finished the second lesson of Week 5 though. And that is why I had not posted yet, I did not feel as though I had much to say in the way of reflection. But it just hit me........one of my idols, is myself. I strive to be right all the time, no matter what, no matter the cost. When Chelsea and I were discussing Week 4 I told her, you know I think this week does not hold much for me because I have always been pretty confident in myself, week 4 was about making relationships with others our idols. I have always felt confident in my relationships, and always felt like I told others what I needed to say. But that was just what God was trying to teach me, I am hard headed sometimes. My relationship idol is the one with myself. Sometimes my over confidence, desire to be right and to work it all out on my own, because I can do it gets in the way of God. Gets in the way of what He wants to do in my life and how he wants to shape my relationships with others. I am so busy knowing that my way is the best way, that I forget to really make sure it is God's way. Partly because I want to be right and partly because I really have such little faith. I want my faith to be stronger, I want to trust him, to lean only on Him, to make Him my one and only idol but it is hard, really hard. So that is where I am today. Taking a little hit to the ego, and realizing that it is not all about me, it is all about Him. And I long to have that unwavering faith in Him, in His plan for me. I long to make Him my one and only idol, every second of every day. Only Him............
